BDSM Negotiations

When I first began playing with some dear friends of mine we began our negotiations using mind maps!

It was such a fun time explaining and learning about one another

and it honestly deepened my understanding of my submission

more than I thought possible in one sitting.

And introduced me to a bunch of new ideas.

AND made us all so much closer

SO naturally I wanted to share this with all of you!

What we used

• Big paper
• Coloured pens
• Candy

What we did

We decided to do these mind maps following a day hanging out together

so we got back to their place, all of us got comfy on the floor with snacks and craft supplies

and spent about 20 mins just scribbling down everything we could think of onto our own mind maps

And eating candy

the candy is a must.

We then took turns explaining aspects of our mind maps, asking questions and writing down ideas we hadn’t thought of yet.

Honestly at the point of having to verbalise my mind map I was really shy!!

They were very sweet and had me sit on their lap and asked me questions about areas of personal interest.

It really helped!

After we had moved through all our mind maps we started discussing how bits and pieces could meld nicely into different scenes that would meet everyone’s needs.

It was so fun interesting and frankly organisation is hot to me

So this experience was just…. So sexy

We built a few scene concepts together and created a google drive document we could all see and add to and built up our future play session primarily from that drive document.

..I may have lost my mind map shortly after getting home….

Variations

Some variations on this concept I want to try are

Do it (by and for) yourself!

Doing this activity independently is a great way to reconnect with your desires, kinks, limits –

i don’t know about you but i sometimes lose sight of these especially after being in a long term dynamic –

my kinks and their kinks got all blended in my brain and it takes awhile to sift through and separate everything back out again.

Doing this pre negotiation can also help you come to the table prepared with what you will and won’t accept.

What you do and don’t want.

Doing this alone can prevent being swayed by the wants and desires of your potential play partner especially if you have a service brain!

Colour coding!

Colour coding your interests can provide a visual guide on your fetishes, kinks, soft and hard limits

It can also provide a visual representation of how your kinks may cross over and blend together

Create a digital mind map

A digital mind map means you can have a living breathing resource of all your kinks that you can password protect

you will never lose and you can update from literally anywhere!

Just be mindful of your own privacy please!